my coworker didn't come into the office until 3pm today.

it's because she was with her dad, who is still undergoing chemo.

fourth stage lung cancer, mets to the colon, kidneys and bones.

she came in and i ran into her in the kitchen. we chatted for a minute on the walk back to the office and as soon as we got into her office, i closed the door and said, 'so, how is he doing?'

she paused for a minute, and then said, 'let me put it this way. i asked him what he wanted for christmas, and he said he wanted a razor, one of those really nice ones with three blades.'

then tears filled her eyes that spilled out onto her cheeks. 'and then he said he would really like to have a suit. he said he doesn't have one. he doesn't wear them. . . .

i know why he's asking for a suit.'

and you know what? it doesn't matter how many patients i have a day that die, it doesn't matter how many hysterical loved ones i have to counsel, i have never once been unmoved by it. and today was the exact same thing. just the thought of having to buy my dad a suit for christmas in order that he could be buried in it makes my heart sink.

so i cried with her, i hugged her, i told her that i had no idea what she must be going through right now. and i really don't. i have no idea what that's like. but i do know what it's like to lose someone, both to death and to life. and God has blessed me in the past year with a huge growth in empathy for other people. i really hope that she felt a little better. even if it was just getting it out that helped her, i hope it did.




on a happy note, my heart echo went great, she said my heart looks amazing. that means there's nothing wrong with my vascular system, which lessens the chance that the baby will have vascular problems and makes the chances of dying during childbirth the same as a normal, healthy 22 year old. praise God that He spared ariel and i from these problems!