"you called and cried out loud and shattered my deafness.
you were radiant and resplendent,
you put to flight my blindness.
you were fragrant, and i drew in my breath
and now pant after you.
i tasted you, and i feel but hunger and thirst for you.
you touched me, and i am set on fire to attain the peace which is yours."

ariel is on nights this month. the last time that he was on night float was over the summer, and i was working evenings dispatching. since i didn't have to be at work until 4 the next day, i would get home and try to stay up as late as i could to keep him company over the phone. thus the $800 phone bill . . . anyway, i showed up at work one afternoon and one of the nurses raised her eyebrows, and in true teri style said, "kelly. you look like crap. the boy toy on nights?" *sigh*

however! ariel working nights seems to be effective for my exercise of self control and humility - i know how hard it can be to be up all night (although i have no idea what it's like to try to save someone's life while running on 3 hours of sleep) so i've been working on trying to put him first. and there have been amazing results! for example . . . i made chocolate chip cookies for him at his place WITHOUT A MIXER! my arms are still sore! but they turned out to be the best cookies i've ever made, hands down. the weather has been so beautiful and it has been easy for me to pray outside in thanksgiving. i made him this fall centerpiece with all real leaves and flowers and it's not dead yet! and it's beautiful! *shrugs* i dunno. i guess it's the Lord's way of telling me that it's a good exercise for me and i need to keep working on it! it's just nice to have Him close . . .

my mom is still sick, it's tough to not be able to be close to her and take care of her and the rest of my family. none of us know what the Lord is doing in this situation, but we're all eager to find out. i guess it's just the walk of a Christian; there is always the cross, so close, so consistent. i can understand how so many saints found in it a great source of comfort. because i know that while i'm carrying it, Jesus is so close, hanging on the other side of it, breaking through all of the business and stress, and becoming my safety once again. "onward Christian soldiers". . .