there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
still a little bit of you laced with my doubt


my least favorite thing in the whole world is leaving the people that i love.
i would rather be in physical pain than to have to say goodbye.

i don't say 'goodbye'. i say, 'take care' or 'see you'.
goodbye seems so permanent.

i think the worst part about leaving is gradually forgetting facial expressions. i get frustrated when i can't remember those.
but when i return, i'll remember that my mind is just not strong enough to remember things that are so beautiful and creative.

i'm leaving today. everything about it is bittersweet:

i'm going home to plan my wedding.
these are the last few months that i'll be living at my parent's house.
i have to try and explain to anna mary that ariel is my fiance, not hers.
my last chance to mend friendships with my oldest friends at home, the guys i grew up with.
when i move back to michigan, it will be for good.

don't get me wrong, i'm so excited to start my new life, the life that God planned for me from the very beginning - i can't wait to finally be at home in my vocation, i can't wait for the peace that will come from doing what God ordained for me as a wife and, if He wills, as a mother.

but today, i'm just a little nostalgic.