i will be weak, unable to speak,
still i will call You by name
"Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and the End,
I am."

i am, nicole nordeman


we went to another one of gary's retreats this weekend. it was a little like pulling teeth to get ariel to go, he had underestimated his own tambourine skills and also how much we needed him in our band. ironically, once we were there, he said, 'kelly, i just don't want to leave this place.' =)

two of my favorite things about bethany house; there are no clocks on the wall, and Jesus is everywhere. you really can't avoid him when you're there.

ariel rediscovered his faith and trust in the Lord this weekend. it's funny, every time we go there, we're giving of our time, giving of our talents; but each one of us really ends up being blessed a hundred fold in return.

one part keeps coming back to my mind. a huge theme in the theology of the body is the human person as gift. so the leaders had asked the parents to write their kid a letter expressing just how much of a gift that child had been in their lives. all of the kids read their letters quietly right before adoration, some of them cried, some of them just smiled to themselves.

and the scene that played over in my mind as they were all reading was ariel and i seeing our little baby for the first time, and then going back in a few weeks and seeing how much the baby had grown . . .

and i was looking at the kids reading their letters and i said to them in my mind, each one of you will never know just how precious you are, how beautiful you are, how priceless and irreplacable you are. you are the greatest blessing that your parents ever received.

because that's how i feel about this baby - i can sit around all day and tell you how much it sucks being pregnant, that it's not the best experience and i haven't loved every minute of it. i'm uncomfortable, i don't feel like myself and most of all i'm exausted. but i love this baby. i love this baby so much that nothing that it could ever do would make me stop loving it. ever. i think that the Lord gave us a baby so quickly in our marriage so that we would continue to center our marriage on Him and His mission for us, and also to learn a new kind of love. and for that, we are so grateful! who are we, to become co-creators with Him?




precious, sweet little baby,

you are a blessing. you are the greatest gift that the Lord has ever given your daddy and me. and we love you, more than you'll ever comprehend. we love you this much even though we haven't met you yet. you have given a new sense of meaning to our lives, and you have already brought us more joy than we had ever expected.

so thank you, for being a beautiful, unexpected gift to us. and know while you're swimming around safely inside of me that since the day that we knew you existed until forever, we will be loving you and praying for you.