oh, we stutter and we stammer till you save us
a symphony of chaos till you play us
phrases on the pages of unknown
‘til You read us into poetry and prose

nichole nordeman, healed



today, i am amazed.

i know i'm smart. i first realized that i was smart when i was the only kid from my grade walking across the street to the junior high building for my english comprehension and social studies. mr. sowell was my fifth grade teacher and he told me that i could do anything that i wanted with a brain like mine. he told me that life was always easier for smart people. and to an extent, he was right; i did really well in high school, really well on my ACTs and really well in college. school has never been a problem for me, i love to learn.

but today i was struck with the reality of the intelligence of God.

i was in adoration today, and at benediction, as we were singing the tantum ergo, the words flew out of my mouth -

praestet fides suplementum sensuum defectui
where the senses fail, faith is supplemented

i stopped for a second; it wasn't just where my senses fail that faith takes over. it is true that when i can't see Him, i still believe He is near, when i can't taste Him, i trust that it is He whom i am consuming. but faith saves the day most completely when my intelligence fails to comprehend Him.

i don't think that anything is more puzzling than not being able to fully understand the one that i worship. i guess when He decides to make Himself known to me, it's clear, it's crystal clear. but it's so little of Him . . . how can you know so little of something and yet be so convinced? it's like not knowing the person that you love.

no matter how smart i am, i could never think something into existence. this is me - i am my body and my soul, and my thoughts which are functions of my body and soul, don't go anywhere. they're just in my head and occasionally result in some action. there is nothing that depends on my thoughts for it's existence. when i die, there might be a few things that end, but the world would still exist.

compared with what and who there is to know, i know nothing.