i hate original sin.

mostly because of what it does to people's bodies.

because, let's face it; death was not in God's original plan for us. it's unnatural. so all of the sickness that these patients experience due to the fact that they are dying is so painful to hear about.

i had a patient on the phone tonight that was 47 years old. he was dying of parkinsons. he was severely agitated and anxious, and a little bit delusional. i answered the phone.

'can i help you?'

'i just need to die. please, just let me die. no more medication, i don't want nurses, i don't want medication, i don't want doctors, just let me die. i just need to do it.'

*gulp*

sir, how are you feeling right now, what is going on? are you in pain? no, i just want to die. okay, are you experiencing some anxiety about dying? no, i just want to die. i need to die.

pause.

'i'll bet you're just so tired of suffering, huh?'

pause.

he started to cry.

heartwrenching.

'i'm so sorry, i can't imagine what you are going through. would you like me to send a chaplain or a social worker out to visit you tonight?'

'no.'

'are you alone?'

'yes.'

*sigh*

'well, i'm here all night until 8. so you're not really alone.'

he kind of laughed.

anything i can do to make him forget about it for one second.

this is the point in the conversation that i try my 'act like i've known you forever' tactic. works every time.

and it worked this time. after almost 30 mins (the second longest call i've taken in the two years i've been here) he calmed down, told me all about his high school reunion and his nephews and slowly his voice became quiet and he was falling asleep. 'okay, sir, i'm going to let you get some rest, if you need anything at all, please don't hesitate to call me back, my name is kelly and i'm here all night, okay?'

'kelly?'

'yes, sir?'

'thanks so much. goodnight.'

click.



two more hours until i can get some much needed rest.
one more day until i get to see my other half.
two more days until my first bridal shower.
and then, it's back to work monday at 12am.