all your stormy words have barely broken
and you sound like thunder though you've barely spoken
oh, it looks like rain tonight and thank God
'cause a clear sky just wouldn't feel right.

come round soon, sara bareilles




*sigh*

i don't know how to start this post.

ariel's dad is . . . . okay. still in the nicu. this has been a week of one thing right after another with him. they operated, he didn't get better, they operated again, he got a little better but started having seizures . . . so now he's sedated to stop the seizures, which makes it difficult to understand if he's had any progress. needless to say, it's going to be a very long rehabilitation process.

there aren't really words to describe the emotions that filled this past week. personally, i feel like i could break down and cry my eyes out at any second - not as much because of a personal attachment to ariel's dad - partly because of the stress and lack of sleep - but i think mostly because of having to see ariel go through all of this and knowing that there's nothing that i could say or do that would make it better.

i'm really proud of us. i have always wondered how we would handle these types of situations, and i'm proud to say that we were really able to be partners. no fighting, no frustration with each other, just love, sacrificing every little thing possible for one another. i am so thankful for ariel and isabella. this week was another reminder to me of God being the Author of the story of our love for one another - i know that i'm with who i was meant to be with.


still pondering the significance of this all happening during holy week.
still attempting to plan what more we can do to help.
accepting the irony but hoping that it ends here.


hands down, this is overall the most stressful time i've gone through. because there is so much going on that is having to take a back seat. because isabella is coming in a little over two months. because beaumont is taking their sweet time. because gas is so expensive. because my body is beginning to ache more. . .



holy God, holy mighty One, holy immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world . . .

top ten favorite things about family coming to visit this weekend:

10. having to get chairs from the garage so we can all fit around the table.
9. our new piano being played by the little ones.
8. my family not knowing that it took us a week to clean up enough for them to come over.
7. getting to say, 'this is my house, i make the rules. so get the food out of the living room.' =)
6. hearing anna mary say, 'kelly, why does ariel love us so much?'
5. cooking for 8.
4. my mom making me a birthday cake.
3. seeing my husband talking things over with my dad.
2. waking up to four smiling faces in the living room.
1. having a house that is full of laughter and enough love for the whole world.



we leave for denver tomorrow . . .

"are you working on your birthday?" one of my coworkers asked me.

"yeah."

she was shocked. "why would you do that?"

"linda," i said, "my birthday stopped being exciting when i was like 12."

she smirked. (i hate it when people do that) "ha, well you think that now, just wait until you get older, then you'll want to take the day off, you'll want people to make it a big deal. you're young, that's why you think that."


no, i thought to myself. i don't think that because i'm young. i think that because the world doesn't stop just because it's the anniversary of the day i was born. after all, it doesn't revolve around me. and if you knew me at all, you'd know that i don't really like it at all when people make a big deal out of my birthday. it's just not me.

a little while later we got to talking about religion. *sigh*

i said, "well i just think that if the decision to have my child baptized was an educated one, it would help to prevent my child from falling outside of the baptismal comittment. i mean, baptism is a life-altering choice, and if i choose to make that for my child, then i should know what i'm committing to."

"do you really think that baptism changes your life?" now she was borderline condescending.

"yes i do."

smirked again. "ha, you think that because you're young. you'll change your mind once you've lived a bit more."

my blood was boiling. really? i thought almost outloud. you have to be a certain age to understand baptism? lady, you've got no clue . . . your logic doesn't even make sense.




i guess i just wish that people wouldn't misunderstand me because of my age. 'aren't you too young to get married?' 'wow, you're way too young to start a family.' 'you think you're invincible because you're young.' 'but you're so young, why don't you go out and party more?' blah blah blah . . . . surprisingly, the way that i reason has very little to do with how old i am. because i don't reason the way that a 'typical' 22 year old reasons. when will age be just a number?

i guess 23 is no more credible than 22. . .