i'm sitting in the baby's room right now.

it's done. and my baby is coming soon.

i can't really imagine how much our life is going to change in the next month. i try to imagine a sweet little face looking up at me from the crib, i try to imagine hearing the soft cries and being one of two people who can stop it. but i really can't. i really can't imagine it all.

but the time is flying and the baby will be here sooner than we think.

getting married and having babies is the best adventure that i've ever been a part of. and i really can't wait to have our little one in our arms.

i arise today
through a mighty strength,
the invocation of the Trinity,
through belief in the threeness,
confession in the oneness
of the Creator of all creation.

st. patrick's breastplate






it's infrequent that i decided to take the long way home.
gas prices, car mileage . . .
but last night i decided to.
here's what's on my mind . . .



spring is symbolically a season of prayers answered, promises kept. one of my prayers this winter has been that my mind and soul be led out of darkness - so much good has happened to me in the past 8 months. marriage, job, baby . . . but i still feel distant from the Lord. i thought up until these past few days that i was just trying to adjust to a new type of spiritual life as a married woman. now i'm confused . . .



the Lord has always made Himself close to me with His physical and spiritual cross. it is a constant in my life, something that i know i depend on in order to stay close to His heart. but recently, the crosses have been different, huge bursts of anxiety and stress caused by external material occurences that only last a few days and then it's back to blessing. abundant blessings.

maybe Jesus is loving me in a different way now, with blessings instead of crosses. i know it might sound foolish, but i don't know how to respond to so many blessings . . . i feel ungrateful. i know i don't deserve the things He is blessing me with. and i have so much more than most people i know. but i feel like i am taking it all for granted. . . and that maybe if i had more suffering, i would appreciate the blessing more.

wow. that sounds so backwards.
'give me more suffering because i'm not content with all of the blessings.'

i wonder what He is teaching me through this way of loving me.
i hate it that my mind is so feeble and incapable of understanding His ways.
i know He is preparing me for something.
i can hear Him calling me closer to Himself.

teach me to walk by faith and not by sight . . .



i arise today
through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me . . .