"friendship is the source of the greatest pleasures, and without friends even the most agreeable pursuits become tedious. " st. thomas aquinas

in the past, i admit, i've had some difficulty making good friends. and after racking my brain for a reason why, i think i've found it! i think that my pride gets in the way. but today i had lunch with a guy that i normally would have walked right by and passed judgment on. and he turned out to be a really nice guy, and i learned alot about the sub culture of video gamers. it's amazing what happens when i just humble myself and try to listen to someone else and learn where they are coming from.

i've also been cynical about friendships that are purely for conversation or a 'going out' type of friendship. i have a few friends, but they are really good friends with whom i have alot of history. but now i'm getting to be interested in just getting to know another person, knowing about his experiences and desires. but it entails my own humility. *sigh*

i used to think that i (and sorry ladies, i made my broad generalization of the year by grouping all of you with me in this one) was starved for romance. ya know, you meet a guy, he throws you a line that you haven't heard before and you just eat it up like a starving child in thailand. and then what you thought was a spark of something a week later turns out being a spark of nothing when he forgets your name or (even worse) calls you another name. starved for romance. why else do i cry every single time that harry kisses sally, or when allie and noah dance in the street . . . or at the hallmark commercials? i think it's more than pms . . .

so i was thinking about romance . . . and here's my conclusion. i think even if prince william or brad pitt would take me out to dinner, buy me roses and chocolate and walk me to my door and kiss my hand and walk away a gentleman . . . . or if jude law took me to the beach and we walked and laughed and watched the stars . . . . in any case, i still think that it wouldn't be enough. i know i know, sounds high maintenance.

i think my romance starvation is a starvation for the Lord. He's the Author of romance. i was longing for my knight to come and rescue me, for someone who would make me laugh, someone that i could love with my whole heart, someone who loved Jesus more than he loved me . . . and i think that once i placed all of my trust in Him and continued to seek after Him and fill my heart not with meaningless promises from men but with His mercy and grace, only then did He send me just what i was looking for. and more!

(ps - i know this is all cheesy, but i'm still in honeymoon phase with ariel! what do you want? we were apart for three months over the summer! and we are together again!)

pray for my mom, she's going to northwestern tomorrow for more testing - she's lost over 25 lbs and we need an answer!

"you called and cried out loud and shattered my deafness.
you were radiant and resplendent,
you put to flight my blindness.
you were fragrant, and i drew in my breath
and now pant after you.
i tasted you, and i feel but hunger and thirst for you.
you touched me, and i am set on fire to attain the peace which is yours."

ariel is on nights this month. the last time that he was on night float was over the summer, and i was working evenings dispatching. since i didn't have to be at work until 4 the next day, i would get home and try to stay up as late as i could to keep him company over the phone. thus the $800 phone bill . . . anyway, i showed up at work one afternoon and one of the nurses raised her eyebrows, and in true teri style said, "kelly. you look like crap. the boy toy on nights?" *sigh*

however! ariel working nights seems to be effective for my exercise of self control and humility - i know how hard it can be to be up all night (although i have no idea what it's like to try to save someone's life while running on 3 hours of sleep) so i've been working on trying to put him first. and there have been amazing results! for example . . . i made chocolate chip cookies for him at his place WITHOUT A MIXER! my arms are still sore! but they turned out to be the best cookies i've ever made, hands down. the weather has been so beautiful and it has been easy for me to pray outside in thanksgiving. i made him this fall centerpiece with all real leaves and flowers and it's not dead yet! and it's beautiful! *shrugs* i dunno. i guess it's the Lord's way of telling me that it's a good exercise for me and i need to keep working on it! it's just nice to have Him close . . .

my mom is still sick, it's tough to not be able to be close to her and take care of her and the rest of my family. none of us know what the Lord is doing in this situation, but we're all eager to find out. i guess it's just the walk of a Christian; there is always the cross, so close, so consistent. i can understand how so many saints found in it a great source of comfort. because i know that while i'm carrying it, Jesus is so close, hanging on the other side of it, breaking through all of the business and stress, and becoming my safety once again. "onward Christian soldiers". . .