i hate the winter.

i have already been sick three times this winter. and i mean 'i can't get out of bed take me to the hospital' sick. i'm expecting one more bout before spring comes. because that's just how things go with my immune system.

i hate it that it's so dark all the time. maybe that's just a michigan thing. i hate it.

and my best friend is going to warm, sunny coco beach for spring break and i have to stay here write my thesis.

one nice thing about winter - ariel and i first met each other last winter, although it was toward the end and it was way warmer than it is now.

if the damn sun would shine maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"it's been a year
filled with problems
but now you're here
almost as if to solve them
and i can't live in a world without you now

all my life
i've been searching for you
how did i survive
in this world before you

'cause i don't wanna live another day without you now
this is the best thing
the best thing that could be happening
and i think you would agree
the best thing is that it's happening to you and me"

the best thing, relient k


2003-2004.

the soundtracks of that year for me were dashboard's a mark a mission a brand a scar, norah jones' come away with me and relient k's two lefts don't make a right . . . but three do. it was a year of firsts for me. first 2 week relationship, first real girl fight, first addiction to nicotine, first real best friend, and the first time anyone had really surprised me.

my favorite valentine's day to date: three years ago today my boyfriend at the time took me out for dinner. i can't remember where we went. it was just that amazing. we got home and nina was freaking out. "go into your room and change your clothes. i'm taking you somewhere." i got excited - nina and i always did cool things together. i went into my room and came out a minute later to find nina pacing in the living room.

"hey nin, jeans? a hoodie?"
"it doesn't matter, just change!"

two minutes later.
"do i need a couple of layers?"
"kelly, just change your damn clothes."

one minute later.
"does this shirt match these jeans or is it a khaki kind of thing?"
nina handed my coat to me and shouted, "kelly, seriously, you look fine let's GO!"

so we got into the car and nina, who normally drives at the most 10 miles over the speed limit was pushing 25 over. we got to a sports arena and parked and ran toward the front. by this point i was kind of annoyed - she wouldn't tell me where we were going, no details, nothing. "just come on kelly, you're gonna die." we got into the line which was out of the door. at this point i was thinking it was a hockey game or a basketball game and i had prepared my "oh my god! i can't believe it! thank you so much!" speech. we got inside of the building, and i was looking around trying to figure out where we were - and then i saw it.

"TWO LEFTS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT. . . . BUT THREE DO" RELIENT K NATIONAL TOUR 2003-2004


it was an awesome concert. i think we were the only people over 14 there, but it didn't matter. within the first two seconds of every song, we screamed the lyrics and it left us hoarse for days. i dropped my gum down my shirt and nina had to get it out for me. we very seriously considered moshing with all of the 8th graders and then decided against it.

nina is the first person to successfully surprise me. and this is me still patting her on the back for it.

happy st. valentine's day to all of my loves!

"lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you."

fix you, coldplay




the effects of the huge transition i'm going through from being single to being married just hit me last night. we were at a bar in ann arbor with mike and rebekah playing shuffleboard. and i was telling her all about registering for gifts, how tired i was from walking all day and how much fun it was to pick new things out - and then i said it.

our wine glasses.

up until that point, it hadn't really seemed natural for me to speak in the third person. things had not yet made the switch from being mine to being ours. i keep finding myself telling people what i'm doing this weekend instead of what we're doing. after i finally said it naturally, i started thinking about all of the changes i'll be going through this year.

graduating.

new job.

moving.

marriage.

pregnancy?

it's a bit daunting. it's highly intimidating. that's alot of change. and i don't always deal well with change. but i think it's different now that i have ariel. because it's not just forced change. i want these things to change. i want to move and get married and have little ponce's. not too excited about learning nfp . . . but the other changes i think i'm excited about.

plus, i belong with ariel. wherever he is, that place is my home. so i guess it's kind of like packing up all my stuff and going home. "only, to no home that i had ever known . . ."