and today i'll trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat


goals for my new life, beginning september 1:

1. an hour of adoration once a week consistently
2. less sweatpants
3. keep coffee maker clean
4. daily rosary
5. make our home comfortable for ariel
6. volunteer at the women's shelter
7. join the choir or cantor
8. meditate



in one hour i will be done with this job. i can finally exhale. but it will have to wait until i get to michigan.

i love ariel more than anything in the whole world - and it's such a blessing that God has allowed our love for one another to be pruned and purified this summer so that we have no doubts about one another. i'm nervous, don't get me wrong, but it's mostly about logistics.

i've been trying to say my new name out loud to get used to it. not so much working.

i was packing up my stuff yesterday to bring to our place and i opened a trunk full of my old stuffed animals and stuff - my baseball glove, my first dance recital costume . . . i got really emotional thinking about how permanent this is. so i called ariel. he's been such a saint. i love that man so much. i love being able to depend on him.

sometimes i think i'm the most blessed woman in the whole world.
this is just rambling - sorry, been up all night.

i am getting married in 18 days.

*smiles*

i cry every single time i leave ariel to come back to chicago. and it's really a mystery to me because it's instant - it's as if the moment we are more than 5 yards away from each other, the tears just fall out of my eyes.

and they did today. i just cried. i hate leaving him more than anything in the whole world.

i can feel this huge transformation going on inside of me, and i can recognize it in my relationship with ariel. and it's light years beyond the material changes we are experiencing - i mean, yeah, i'm moving in with him, we're merging all of our possessions and responsibilities . . . but this transformation is the greatest spiritual rebirth i have experienced. this is no feeling; it is a movement of my whole person toward him. and how joyful i am to find that he is right in front of me, moving toward me too.

and i am struck with awe every day at how blessed i am to be given this gift of love that begins and ends right back in the same place . . .
to be given a love that has been tested and tried and proven . . .
and i think about how we've longed so much to never have to be seperated again . . .

this gift of love is
ecstatic.
consistent.
inspiring.
genuine.

and i am
unworthy.

hands down, this is the most exciting thing i've ever done.