i cry every single time i leave ariel to come back to chicago. and it's really a mystery to me because it's instant - it's as if the moment we are more than 5 yards away from each other, the tears just fall out of my eyes.

and they did today. i just cried. i hate leaving him more than anything in the whole world.

i can feel this huge transformation going on inside of me, and i can recognize it in my relationship with ariel. and it's light years beyond the material changes we are experiencing - i mean, yeah, i'm moving in with him, we're merging all of our possessions and responsibilities . . . but this transformation is the greatest spiritual rebirth i have experienced. this is no feeling; it is a movement of my whole person toward him. and how joyful i am to find that he is right in front of me, moving toward me too.

and i am struck with awe every day at how blessed i am to be given this gift of love that begins and ends right back in the same place . . .
to be given a love that has been tested and tried and proven . . .
and i think about how we've longed so much to never have to be seperated again . . .

this gift of love is
ecstatic.
consistent.
inspiring.
genuine.

and i am
unworthy.

hands down, this is the most exciting thing i've ever done.