oikology
(oy-koll'-uh-jee) n. the study, or science of housekeeping. [from Greek oikos "house, dwelling."]

i lost my favorite pair of jeans. i don't know how, except that when you live in a house with seven other people, stuff just disappears. it's not so much that the house is messy as it is just . . . crowded with barbies and polly pockets. you just can't find anything in my parents house.

xanthochroi
(zan-thock'-roh-wee, zan-thock'-roy) n.pl. white persons having light hair and fair skin. adj.& singular form: xanthochroid (zanth'-uh-kroid, zan-thock'-roid). adj. form: xanthochroic (zanth-oh-kroh'-ic). [from New Latin xanth- "yellow" + Greek ochroi from ochros "pale."]

i am not ashamed to say it; i am testing out some gradual tanning lotions for the wedding. it's not so much that i want to be really dark. i just want to take that ghastly edge off of my skin. today is the third day in a row that it has been over 80 degrees. summer is here - and for me, that means humbly accepting comments about how pale my skin is.

discalceate
(diss-kal'-see-ate') v.t. to pull off shoes or sandals from. adj. (used of certain religious orders) barefoot or wearing only sandals. [from Latin discalceatus "unshod", from dis- + calceus "shoe"].

my little sisters like to play with my shoes. they try them on and clomp around the house and pretend that they are going to work or going out on a date. anna mary came downstairs earlier today with a pair of my flip flops. 'umm, kelly? could i wear these outside?' *sigh* 'no, why don't you just leave them in here.' she looks down to the ground. 'they even almost fit me.'

miscegenation
(miss-uh-jen-nay'-shun) n. 1: the interbreeding of different races or of persons of different racial backgrounds. 2: cohabitation, sexual relations, or marriage involving persons of different races. 3: a mixture or hybridization.

it's only 94 more days until we get married.

i'm working on nfp right now. on the one hand, it's beautiful how God made us women so perfect and intricate. on the other hand . . . what a pain in the ass.

telos
(teel'-ahss) n. an ultimate end.

i never knew
i never knew that everything was falling through
that everyone i knew was waiting on a cue
to turn and run
when all i needed was the truth

over my head, the fray


my office is overlooking the hotel plaza on the second floor of the business building. three of the walls in the office are regular, but there is one that is all windows. as nice as it sounds, it's kind of creepy because anyone can look in and see us working.

last week a nurse came in at 3 in the morning. she didn't have a key, and she didn't have a cell phone. there are signs all over the doors and windows requesting that people not bang on the windows, but ring the doorbell instead.

so she banged on the window for someone to let her in. after cleaning up the pee that got on my chair after 30 full seconds of her knocking, i went over and let her in.

she had to be over 70. i mean, this lady was old. and she was grouchy. she flung a couple of folders into my arms and ordered me to take them into the office. just because she gave me attitude (at 3 in the morning) i put them back into her arms and told her that it was her responsibility to get those charts back to the medical records office. besides, i have calls to answer. she stood there glaring at me for a good 2 minutes, and then proceeded to slam the charts on the medical records counter, utter several four letter words that she was too old to know, storm out and slam the door.

tonight, she came back into the office.

and she told me all about the bitch that was here last week that wouldn't help her out.

friday 3PM - nap
4:00 - wake up

saturday 12AM - go to work
8AM - get off work, go to airport to pick up older brother
12PM - lunch with grandparents
2PM - drive home with older brother
3PM - sleep
7PM - wake up
8PM - dinner
9PM - rosary
10PM- shower
11:20PM - leave for work

sunday 12AM - shift begins
8AM - shift ends, drive home
8:30AM - arrive home
9:00AM - shower
10:15AM - arrive at church to cantor
10:55AM - sing prelude with brothers
11AM - cantor mass - greta's first holy communion
12:15PM - party for the first communion
3PM - open house ends
5PM - dinner for dad's birthday
7PM - extreme makeover home edition
8PM - sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

more than 48 hours awake, only four hours of sleep.

this wedding had better be worth it.

=)

a woman called tonight.

her husband is the patient, she said he was having shortness of breath.

check on the diagnosis, it's fourth stage lung cancer.

ironically, he's four days past his prognosis.

his lips and fingers are turning blue.

she started to cry, she said he was gasping for air.

he has oxygen in the home but doesn't like the canula.

she called his name two times, the second time almost shouting.

then she said that she thinks he's gone.

i let her cry for a minute, told her i'm so sorry for her loss, i know she is suffering, i'll send the nurse right away.

'don't send the nurse yet', she said.

my heart breaks for her. for legal purposes, ma'am, i have to send the nurse, he has to be pronounced. do you just not want to speak with the nurse right now?

'no it's not that. i just don't want them to take him yet.'

i tell her that i understand, but not to worry, after the nurse gets there, we'll just wait to call the coroner until she is ready.

she agrees.

i ask her if she wants to stay on the line while i page the nurse or if she would like to disconnect, she opts for staying on until she knows when the nurse will be there.

after i page the nurse, i get back on the line and ask her if there is anything else i can do while we're waiting to hear back. she says she's fine. i put her back on hold.

two minutes later, i check back and tell her i'm still waiting for the nurse to call back. she asks, 'why is it taking so long?'

i tell her the nurses sleep in between calls during the night shift.

'what time did i call?'

'it was just after 1 AM.'

she pauses, then says, 'oh my god.'

'he promised me that he would make it to our 50th anniversary.'

i shrugged. 'when is that?'

'may 26th. he made it.'




sometimes i wish i could pat God on the back.

i believe in your excessive love now, when i in no way feel it,

now, when i'm wearied and burdened,

now, when i see no future but only present darkness -

i believe in your excessive love because you are faithful,

because you are compassionate with weakness,

because you are always present when there is need,

because you are gentle and forgiving,

because you are patient and unwearying,

because you are a God of mercy,

because you came to seek out the lost, to bind up the wounded, to heal the sick.

I believe in your excessive love, which is unreasonable by human standards,

which is incomprehensible to my limited vision,

which only demands utter faith,

which offers me perfect joy if i accept to be that grain of wheat with you,

falling and dying, which gives me peace

and the only true security i will ever know.

i believe in your excessive love, kissing each of your precious wounds,

drinking of the sacred cup you offer,

the cup of yuor blood, poured out to the last drop.

i believe in your excessive love,

uniting me to you and you to me in time

and throughout eternity.

tonight i'm listening to
the fray
relient k
norah jones
bach


nothing is hitting the spot tonight.



you right where you are
from right where i am
somewhere between
unsure and a hundred

hundred, the fray

anna mary, after learning how to work the whoppie cushions i gave to my sisters:
"come on, girls, let's go upstairs and fart together."



waking me up bright and early:
"good morning, moonshine." (instead of sunshine)



at dinner:
"why didn't ariel come with you?"
"he had to work."
"doesn't he love us?"
"of course he does."
"oh yeah, i forgot. he is my fiance."
"no anna, he's my fiance."
"but i have a crush on him! and i think he has a crush on me too! . . . . he called me on my birthday . . . . and said that he loved me."
"oh, i see."
"do you see that he is my fiance?"



talking about the music at the reception:
"well, i guess you could borrow my veggie tales cd. i guess we could just press repeat."

there's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
still a little bit of you laced with my doubt


my least favorite thing in the whole world is leaving the people that i love.
i would rather be in physical pain than to have to say goodbye.

i don't say 'goodbye'. i say, 'take care' or 'see you'.
goodbye seems so permanent.

i think the worst part about leaving is gradually forgetting facial expressions. i get frustrated when i can't remember those.
but when i return, i'll remember that my mind is just not strong enough to remember things that are so beautiful and creative.

i'm leaving today. everything about it is bittersweet:

i'm going home to plan my wedding.
these are the last few months that i'll be living at my parent's house.
i have to try and explain to anna mary that ariel is my fiance, not hers.
my last chance to mend friendships with my oldest friends at home, the guys i grew up with.
when i move back to michigan, it will be for good.

don't get me wrong, i'm so excited to start my new life, the life that God planned for me from the very beginning - i can't wait to finally be at home in my vocation, i can't wait for the peace that will come from doing what God ordained for me as a wife and, if He wills, as a mother.

but today, i'm just a little nostalgic.

things i learned about filipinos this weekend:

1. "ariel, who is that guy?"

"which one?"

"the one you just waved to."

"i dunno."

"then why did you wave?"

"he's filipino."


2. "it's like this - between all of the different types of asians, filipinos are . . . black. yeah, filipinos are, like, the black people of asians." - rich rama

3. "all of the other asians want to be filipinos." - ariel

4. every single filipino has better rhythm and can dance better than every other race. combined.

5. they claim to have good taste in music, but i don't think andrew peterson counts.

6. "yeah, you should send out separate invitations for your wedding: one half to the white people and the other half to the filipinos. what time is your wedding? 1:30? okay, on the invites to the filipinos, tell them it's at 11:00." - chris lum

7. "so they got you too, huh? yeah, this time they even got me all barong-ed." - white guy married to a filipino woman.