sometimes i don't know how my job would ever function without me there. maybe it's because i work with alot of women who can't ever seem to make up their minds about anything. it gets old.

i had implemented as many organizational techniques that i could think of before i left on my vacation for the holidays, and cleaning up the mistakes while dealing with current patient issues has been . . . stressful, to say the least. let's order the patient's equipment this way, let's cut out the middle man and do this ourselves, all paperwork is to be turned in in alphabetical order . . .

and so i'm really patting myself on the back today because when i came into the office this morning expecting to be up to my huge belly in paperwork, i was pleasantly surprised to find only 48 hours worth of paperwork and reporting on my desk. my ideas are effective, and that makes me happy. most especially because it's a part of pre-pregnancy me that is still around.

speaking of pre-pregnancy me, i think i might just be getting over this whole morning sickness thing. i'm going on a few days now with no puking, and although i've been nauseated all day still, i'm eating and keeping things down with no meds! i'm gaining belly weight and it's making my back hurt, but i'm much more accustomed to that than i am to puking.

i'm pumped because we're having mike and bekah over to celebrate new year's! and they're spending the night which they can do now because they're married! and ariel and i are going all out - we're making our favorite foods, we cleaned our place, we even thought about buying a wii. well, what really happened is that in preparing for mike and bekah to come, ariel and i realized how boring we are. we have nothing fun at all. so we're trying to be more fun. i'll let you know how that goes. but we're excited. it's the first time we've had people over since we got married, so it's a happy day!

i'm also pumped because one of my college roomies is getting married in march and ariel said that i could go by myself! which translates to going with nina! it should be really fun, i'll appreciate the time away and the good company. i think she'll have fun too ; )

the baby is moving all the time now and i think my belly is getting bigger every day. we went to mass at angry God the Father yesterday and when i knelt down for communion the priest gave me communion and then said, 'you're expecting a baby?' my heart lept, i nodded. 'may God bless you as you grow, little baby.' so when we left mass, ariel said, 'awww, our baby had it's first blessing!' and i said, 'awww, my belly must be so big now for him to have noticed!'

things that cross my mind daily now that i'm going to be a mom:

1. please stop kicking me.
2. i am still cool. just like a single person. from behind.
3. this plain bagel with no cream cheese or butter is the best thing i've ever tasted.
4. boy? or girl?
5. the meeting is longer than an hour? is there a bathroom nearby?
6. i love my husband.
7. only threw up five times. it's been a great day.


this week the baby started getting it's nourishment from the placenta. and sometimes i literally feel like the baby is sucking out all of my energy. because i eat pretty much all day and i still have no energy.

i think there's a reason that it takes nine-ish months for the baby to be born, because i feel like i need that amount of time to prepare to be a mom. i feel like i've already identified with that aspect of my life, and i've left the non-mom behind. which has changed the way that i look at so many things. more on that later . . . .

ariel is so excited for our first christmas. he's so cute, he's got something really wonderful planned for me and he's really proud of himself. i can't wait to see what it is!

as for me, i've not had the energy to prepare for this christmas, it's kind of thrown together, which i hate, but it's what i've got. presents are not wrapped, i'm not even totally done shopping . . . i'm just so tired. and puking doesn't make it easy either. but i'm really looking forward to the 23rd, ariel and i are having our own christmas on that day because we'll be travelling all of the other days.

merry christmas to everyone! we love you all and we've been so blessed by your love and friendship this year! may God bless you abundantly in the new year!

i will be weak, unable to speak,
still i will call You by name
"Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and the End,
I am."

i am, nicole nordeman


we went to another one of gary's retreats this weekend. it was a little like pulling teeth to get ariel to go, he had underestimated his own tambourine skills and also how much we needed him in our band. ironically, once we were there, he said, 'kelly, i just don't want to leave this place.' =)

two of my favorite things about bethany house; there are no clocks on the wall, and Jesus is everywhere. you really can't avoid him when you're there.

ariel rediscovered his faith and trust in the Lord this weekend. it's funny, every time we go there, we're giving of our time, giving of our talents; but each one of us really ends up being blessed a hundred fold in return.

one part keeps coming back to my mind. a huge theme in the theology of the body is the human person as gift. so the leaders had asked the parents to write their kid a letter expressing just how much of a gift that child had been in their lives. all of the kids read their letters quietly right before adoration, some of them cried, some of them just smiled to themselves.

and the scene that played over in my mind as they were all reading was ariel and i seeing our little baby for the first time, and then going back in a few weeks and seeing how much the baby had grown . . .

and i was looking at the kids reading their letters and i said to them in my mind, each one of you will never know just how precious you are, how beautiful you are, how priceless and irreplacable you are. you are the greatest blessing that your parents ever received.

because that's how i feel about this baby - i can sit around all day and tell you how much it sucks being pregnant, that it's not the best experience and i haven't loved every minute of it. i'm uncomfortable, i don't feel like myself and most of all i'm exausted. but i love this baby. i love this baby so much that nothing that it could ever do would make me stop loving it. ever. i think that the Lord gave us a baby so quickly in our marriage so that we would continue to center our marriage on Him and His mission for us, and also to learn a new kind of love. and for that, we are so grateful! who are we, to become co-creators with Him?




precious, sweet little baby,

you are a blessing. you are the greatest gift that the Lord has ever given your daddy and me. and we love you, more than you'll ever comprehend. we love you this much even though we haven't met you yet. you have given a new sense of meaning to our lives, and you have already brought us more joy than we had ever expected.

so thank you, for being a beautiful, unexpected gift to us. and know while you're swimming around safely inside of me that since the day that we knew you existed until forever, we will be loving you and praying for you.

ariel and i had a pretty great weekend.

saturday night we went to a staff christmas party for the doc that he moonlights for. they were giving away cash prizes for the games, and between the two of us, we won a lot of money! free money!

then on sunday we went to lowe's and bought our very own first christmas tree. we didn't buy enough lights, so i have to go and get some more, but it looks so nice. and it smells great. and i think ariel really likes it. =)

we just relaxed and watched football, went to an early mass, ate ramen, cuddled. it was really nice. i miss my husband so much, he works alot and i do too, so when we get to relax it really means alot to us.

someone at the christmas party told me that she could tell that i was pregnant because my face is getting fat. =( i very quickly convinced myself that no other part of me was growing except for my belly. and my boobs.

they will see us waving from such great heights

'come down now', they'll say

but everything looks perfect from far away

'come down now', but we'll stay.



that was the song that was replaying in my head when i was trying to get to sleep last night.







when i lived in rhode island, i had some trouble falling asleep. i would lay in my bed, on my back, with my eyes open and listen to the sounds around me. directly behind our plot of land was half a mile of woods, and then the beach. the ocean wasn't close enough that i could hear it from my bed, but i could feel it, and smell it. almost year round, i slept with my window open. but there was a family of wild turkeys that lived in the woods behind our house that made me shut the window every once in a while.



we went to bed around 9:30 and woke up around 6. we had a half hour to shower, make our beds and we had to be in chapel at 6:30. i was always first shower because i was one of the fastest to get ready. i was usually in the chapel at 6:15. morning meditation for an hour, mass and then breakfast, which was my favorite meal when i lived in rhode island. eggs, fruit, coffee, milk, orange juice . . . and bagels. i had a bagel with every single meal i ate there. we made friends with a little jewish lady that owned a bagel shop in narraganset beach. she gave us her left over bagels every single day, bag after bag of every type of bagel you could think of. so we lived off of them.


i always get nostalgic about the pc this time of year. maybe it's because my christmas' there were my best ever. no materialism, no rushing around, no packed schedules. just me and Jesus, the way it was meant to be.

but mostly, i just couldn't sleep last night. and everytime that i think about my memories from that place, i remember that every single memory that i have from that place made me who i am today. i really think that the pc was my first love.

i wonder what our baby's first love will be . . . . . .

reasons i had a good day today;

1. i got to drink a bolthouse farms mango lemonade. mmmmmmm.
2. two of my patients died, but three new ones signed on.
3. the baby is growing. and getting hungry. silly baby, i can't eat when i'm puking!
4. we got a crib for the baby from the agustins. and we'll make sure to get good use out of it =)
5. ariel and i are in love with each other.
6. because my office is so cold, the Lord let the sun shine only in the afternoon so it would warm me up.
7. i am going to have another ultrasound tonight. i can't wait to see how much s/he's grown!
8. i have been craving soft serve ice cream. what a great craving. =)
9. i get a whole week off at christmas time.
10. this saturday is the first anniversary of our engagement.


OMG! i can't believe that we were engaged a year ago! so that means that this was the time last year that i was thinking, 'he doesn't want to marry me. he has the ring (i think) and he just doesn't want to give it to me. he's having second thoughts. ariel! what's the problem? is everything okay?' =)